Susurrus, Andromeda

Susurrus

If it benefits the other
I can wait it out
For something that seeks a southern trace

That finds its way to me
Almost a compass
Almost a natural monument

...This walk...
...Whirls...Whores...Rudders...
Pasty... Gorilla...Yes...

Lit with charisma
Guiding me to it
Trusting in this pull

You see it jut out of the horizon
Its rockiness and green
An honesty of semblance

Deliverance...Sickle...
...Fryers...Friars...J walking...
...Toad...Opulence...

I saw the truth
After the idea left its mark
And I am alone

Andromeda Strain

1,3,5,7,9

I thought of you every time:
Ma, you said to me
Jus' this right way an' that wrong way

'Stead, you sold me down the river
An' nobody but me know now
What a queen I held

Inside, can't hold it
I'm holdin' the bars
I jus' don't unnerstand MA!

Dinner isn't comin' yet
I jus' run two miles
The girls laugh at me

Ma, lissen now
You don' see me
But I see you
I'm so scared!

2,4,6,8

Oh, her, sort of
She's a blunt knife
Has my uncouth ways...
Reminds me when I did those kinds of things

I can't explain
How she really was
I barely remember her
I barely remember a lot of things

All I know now
From waking and waking
And not an ounce of satisfaction
Is how I carried her and how warm she was

That's how it was
Her face is smudged
And I can't get it back
The back of my head is too far for me to reach

I'm sorry a lot of times
The world makes me sorry a lot
But she just doesn't know
How sorry I could have been for forgetting her

0

Tire paper, brass strings, and paint clay

The man has jaundice
I can't bear to look at him
Any more than helplessly
Watching a comedy fail miserably

The man has jaundice
I finally open my eyes to him
I look and abhor at the sickly skin
Yet, I saw a glimmer, a brief glimmer

I can't bear to look at him
How I am reminded of those
Ports and carriages that steal away
And the myrrh skies teeming with bloated stars
Poseidon's brew, a majestic continuity

Any more than helplessly
Is what I had thought
Till my eyes opened
Addressed a miscalculation that was steeply costing

Watching a comedy fail miserably
I laughed and he laughed
We both knew, circumstance could pull fools to wisdom
I sat at the edge of the cliff
He held my hand, it was soft and strong

My Giant

You don't know how giant you are to me;
When you step into the hallway you smother me
Your presence literally takes my breath away
As I try to find some pocket of air
In which to make my lungs recover.

It's unfair how our anatomy
Could make our love seem inferior
When beyond all doubt
I know that when I kiss your giant lips
You won't eat me

Instead, the truest sense of the word
I receive from your breath
A sigh and an echo of I love you's

You're my giant
Stay with my smallness
I can't see the world without you
Stay with my smallness
Your heart is my home

Mario's Thoughts On Today, A Song, & Spoken Wordings

Spoken:
What am I to believe, when I am yoked, awareness in one bucket, and grief in the other.
Blind trudging.

Spoken:
Try to woo me.
The sun cascades.
Fiberglass shapes into hope.
You begin to pull the weight from me.
Tickles and prickles, this wet form and mass, so premature, when I hold it, I blanch.
I don't feel a lot of good, but it does feel a lot familiar.

Song:

Amour At Home

I won't make believe your love,
I make believe when it happens,
I hold my feet to the earth,
And open my heart to things above

I've got my reasons to stay inside,
I wait to hear your footsteps by the door,
Oceans of noise inside me makes me want to roar
My head tells me you tried, I tried, you tried, I tried!

Chorus
Oh do we go again where do we go? (Oh no/ Where/ Oh where)
When will you find my door? (Place to wait/ When)
Oh do we try some more?
I'll pretend to sleep,
If you break the locks
And make it by this morning!

The fridge is empty,
I'm starving for you,
The outside tempts me,
I want to make a breakthrough
But waiting seems to be all right
As long as I have you back in my sight!!!

Uh oh! Uh oh! Oh! Oh! Oh Oooh!

Chorus
Oh do we go again where do we go? (Oh no/ Where/ Oh where)
When will you find my door? (Place to wait/ When)
Oh do we try some more?
I'll lie awake in bed
While you try to break the locks
And make it by this morning!

And make it by this morning....now!

(Said rapidly)
Now! (x3)
When will you come
When will you stay
Oh yeah,
It's me!

End

I can't seem to find a resting place for me to be, totally, in comfort.

Activist work takes so much energy out of me!
But I just have to do it.
Who will do the work?
I've been so comfortable being an assist to anything I've cared about.

I get so tired, I have one body, not two. At the end of the day, when I have to look at everything I've done, consider my actions, I know that I've gotten closer to myself.

But closer to me seems so far away from everybody else.

Maybe these separations are from a divine source. It's come to my mind that ever since I have stopped attending church altogether, I've been missing a lot of time with my family.

Samoan Church + Gay = Nope.

I'm as connected to my spirituality as I was before, but I'm now more cautious about my beliefs and I question everything, put into context what I've learn, sometimes relearn.

Sherry Wolf put her hand on my shoulder today and said, "Oh Mario, just you wait."
Almost too my arm off.


I love the taste of brown sugar beef jerky.

I think I love my Play Analysis class.

What Mario Thought Today: Deeper Internal Dialogue

#2: Thoughts Written November 3rd

My new form of calm and collection came to me through a Yo-yo. Walking the dog is helping me to make sense of my life. If only you could yo-yo without attracting attention. Bliss.

Flavor Twists Honey BBQ Fritos: I feel like I'm cheating the system because of my 'secret' knowledge that the twist shape makes more room for more chips. More for me.

The Last of the Really Great Whangdoodles by Julie Andrews. Need I say more? I read that book when I was 11, and now I'm gay! YAY!!!

I had no idea beef jerky could be so good. I was sitting up late at night eating beef jerky and painting. No idea how I got to love eating so much meat.

If Pokemon introduced a 4th evolution, the world would go ape shit.

I feel like a criminal when I don't compost a cup or container that clearly states that it is compostable.

"Sometimes I feel like SOMEBODY'S watching me!" Michael Jackson put into song my thoughts about life. If you're not watching me, I'm definitely watching you!

I failed at my burger diet yesterday: I'm a sucker for free Dicks Burgers. Now I must redouble my efforts and abstain from patty pattern food.

What Mario Thought Today: Deeper Internal Dialogue

#1: Thoughts Written November 2nd

The font size used to write these thoughts was listed as Normal, but the person writing it is far from it.

I want to have the ability to yawn and make everybody who is in my vicinity fall asleep.

Why didn't I dress up as Muk this Halloween?

Running through the streets with Anastasia and Shawn felt like the part in Where the Wild Things Are where the Wild Things run through the woods and Karen O and children are singing "All is Love"

I know I'm weird, really weird. It can't be helped. It really can't! I just accept that for most people, I am entertainment held inside the confines of a six foot, four inch body, an occasional reference for "eccentricity on overboard awkward." Somehow, I manage to hold all my impulses in. I have so many things going in on my head that I must concentrate to sift through the thoughts. A sifter that shreds my cluttered thoughts into confetti for fireworks.
I want to burst into fireworks and be the show people sit on grass to admire, the spectacle of the moment. I was raised in a family of entertainers. What spots shape do you expect me to change after having to be pushed onto the stage for a long time?

Every day I want to be a cloud. I just want to float by without people having to make a note of me or highlight "cloud in the sky", but just appreciate that I'm a reliable resource, a part of their lives that counts for something, like making it possible for you to exist. I'm a fluffy cloud, drink up, the rain is pouring. It likely will continue like this for the rest of the day.

I was crying some because my family didn't come for me yesterday. I really wanted to see them and be in their company.

I wonder where that boy with the bruise is...I hope he's all right...

That boy who attacked me, lucky for you I was concerned for your drunkenness and not my safety. Your friend was good about keeping you from attacking me some more and he was cute!

I cried again today because I was thinking about how I fail to have people understand me and how their eyes want me to wither.

I wasn't so drunk that I didn't understand that you wanted me to leave your house; I wanted to stay longer in hopes of making friends with somebody I wanted to be friends with who wasn't even there. I thought you were being a cold bitch. But rightly so...it was really late.

Can I be the exception to the rule that not everyone can get along? I want to get along with a lot of people.

I got a dagger from a girl while walking; Anastasia said I was a doctor ninja.

Jordan gave me something good to drink!!!

What a jerk! That shirtless guy was totally hot and buff, but he was a douche with his Cop hat, being drunk and standing in front of a car.

I'm only late because I think too much.

Love today, it's library time.