A Single Man

My heart beat so hard when I was near him, I feared he could hear my secret longing for him. ~Destiny Vaestus

I can't help but feel that my life as a single person is guided in quality toward the bonds that would lead to a relationship with someone or many someones. I watch all of my friends or even strangers who are in relationships and when I see them with the person they love, I can't help but think, "I wish..." It frustrates me that I stress about perception when I'm so used to just beating my drum, living freely the way I like to. Now, I feel I am willing to sacrifice all of that to cater for one person again. I can't fool my intelligence; my mind tells me to "Get over this dream, this vision of things going well for you, because frankly Mr. Lemafa, when it comes to knowing people, you are very good at it."

The first gay relationship I had was long distance; it was a sweet coupling and had everything you could ask for emotionally: love, passion, kindness, genuine feelings in general. However, the physical aspect was just not there. (Long distance, remember?) You can't hug a computer screen, you can't cuddle with a phone. They're merely tools. It was destined to fail, but at 17, when you're in the thick of these feelings and you want so much to make things work, you refuse to see this, despite the fact that your ex-boyfriend is telling you these things.

If you happen to like someone strongly, it's only natural that you'd give 100% of your effort to know him/her/it, right?

Or is this an out dated, misinformed method of thinking?

I'm single.
I do think you can have a great life being single.
I do think you can do whatever you like with your life as long as it doesn't infringe upon the quality of another.
I do want to share my time with somebody in a relationship. (A monogamous relationship; keeping in mind that some folks are non-monogamous. Though I keep an open mind.)

I'm writing out of a need to understand the way people think & I think about being single and in relationships. The phenomena of de-valuing a persons life because they are single is interesting to me. How do you "reclaim" your single-ness after tasting the love of a relationship?

A single man.

~m~

p.s. A Single Man movie is set to release soon; check out the preview for it!