Wonder Breadth

I haven't ever told anyone this, but I feel terribly guilty.
I think it's the right time, now that I am a little distanced from my childhood.
When I was in elementary I cheated at Heads Up, 7 Up.
All the time.
It was such a sneaky and calculating way to win that I dared not tell anyone about it.
There weren't too many ways to articulate how I felt about any given moment, but I knew what I was feeling, just not the words.
Playing that game, I felt gratified for winning, but afterward, the spike knell pang of guilt would cling to me. It was always this feeling that I could never really talk about. Sometimes, as a defense mechanism, I just lied to protect my view of the world. If I could describe it to you it would be like if you were opening your eyes in the dark, but your eyes keep opening wider and wider, ever widening for eternity.
When any of my classes played Heads Up, 7 Up, I would always put my forehead flat on the desk with my thumbs up. Before we were asked to actually put our heads down, I would first look for details about each thumb pickers' clothing and behavior. If he was wearing baggy pants, epic win. The same for flip flops. It was always a disadvantage to wear anything that made the slightest sound. But that's common Heads Up, 7 Up knowledge.
With my forehead flat on the desk, I wrapped my head with my arms, my eyes meeting the edge of the desk. From this vantage point, I could see the floor. Before the game even started, I would carefully memorize the shoe each player wore, noting the size, estimating the weight, listening to the sound the shoe made, and of course, how it looked.
Whenever any of the player's came toward me, I knew who it was. From the players view, I looked like anybody else, a kid with his thumb up, waiting to be picked.
Nobody ever did pick up on how I kept winning.
To hide my secret, I just lost on purpose.
Not a single soul knew this about me.
I never told anyone.

I guess that's the point really.

Maybe part of why I love watching people has to do with that inner satisfaction I got from knowing who's shoe was who's.
My big hope is that against all odds, something so unfamiliar and foreign can be understood. Part of my childhood actually, was spent looking down, a lot of that behavior coming from my voyeuristic love of seeing what's on the ground. I have to this day a fascination with the shape of the human leg.

I completely forgot where I was going with my writing about my Heads Up, 7 Up experience. Ah well. As soon as I remember, I'll begin writing about it again.

I have made really great friends while attending college. Adam, Cat, and Oliver wrote me a note!
Awe! Look at how cute they are!

Adam, Oliver, and Catherine

That note cheered me up a bunch guys, thanks!